It’s that time of the month. The time when the floodgate of the red river opens up bringing along hormonal surges that puts me on an emotional tsunami. We have been here before. My insecurities would surface and he would make me understand his logic. I would understand it for three plus weeks until the next scheduled flow of the red river. As consistent as we would be feeding, feasting and fornicating for breakfast and supper with afternoon delights thrown in over weekends, so is my insecurities. It comes like clock-work. I have came to accept the human conditions that I cannot fight or change. Communication is a way to resolution, they say. We communicate better than a lot of people. I should know because I used to be one half of a pair of the lot who did not communicate. It is a good thing, communication. It makes way for resolution but it does not resolve. Resolution can only be achieved when both parties see from the point of the other. It is achieved when one or preferably both bend. I believe they call it compromise. We share so much of ourselves on Facebook that nowadays it ceases to be a meaningless joke when somebody says if we’re not friends on Facebook, we’re not friends. It is the hard truth on one end of a spectrum. Whether it is actually who we are and everything that we are or just glimpses of what we are willing to share, we do share a lot on Facebook. We are, on the daily, sharing a lot more thoughts to a lot more people at any given time. And we revel in the virtual engagements. Whether it is a fraction or everything underneath the sleeve, we can deduce quite a lot or learn much about someone from their Facebook wall of status updates or the lack thereof, check-ins, shared interests and posted photos. Today, if you want someone to get to know you or you want to get to know someone, being friends on Facebook could tell you quite a lot if your aim is to find out. Henceforth we welcome the births of virtual stalkers and trolls. That can’t be a good thing, not in any productive sort of way or one that provide meaning. We as a generation, seems fulfilled with publicising our thoughts on virtual walls than in person, in a one-on-one setting where we can see each other’s expressions, reach out and touch their arm to comfort them or express love by kissing their present lips. Before, that one-on-one interaction means a lot more, we search for them as they are our primary means to connect emotionally. Now, we no longer need real human connection to feel connected. There are people that find their happiness in marrying life-size dolls made of plastic. I think that is so tragic, to be void of human emotions, to relinquish our ability to be affected or to react to another person’s emotions. Or to be totally in control of our own. Emotions can be, well emotionally draining and tricky. But dealing with them is part of our privilege and joy of being humans. In the end, it’s all about achieving a balance, acquiring the best of both worlds. But ultimately, we should all be loved more than we pledge our time and love for Facebook. At the end of the day, I want to be too busy loving the people who love me than to be busy whoring for virtual validations. Happy Sunday! Love, Alexa
8 little things that makes a difference.
Now that we’ve discussed 8 Things Guys Secretly Love, we can’t forget the general theme of this blog – being chivalrous and romantic towards women. Striving to be better. Building healthier relationships.
That being said, what are some things that you may not realize make as big of an impact as they do?
Here are eight things that she secretly loves.
Good morning texts.
A good morning text first thing doesn’t just say “good morning” – it says “you’re the first person I thought of when I woke up today.”
For over a year I have sent one of these to my girlfriend literally every single day without missing one. Small romantic acts aren’t just for the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship. Consistency is key.
Hint: This includes goodnight texts, too.
Play with her hair if you’re laying together on the couch or in bed.
Just do it. Trust…
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When we are in a relationship, we would think the world of our partner, put he/she on a pedestal, make ourselves believe that he or she is a superhero that has come into our lives to save the day. They really are superheroes for the way they make us feel alive, loved and cared for day in and day out. The problem is when you start living with your superhero, you would realize that they are human after all with the farting, the burping, the snoring, the morning breath and the habits that may just vex you.
Over time, we would stop seeing them as the superheroes that they are and we would demote them to humans, with flaws and all; take them off the pedestal that we have put them on without realizing that when they get off the pedestal, they would take our desire for them, with them. Sex would no longer be something to look forward to or plan for and it would start feeling like an obligation or a chore.
How do we turn it back to the way it was when the sex was good and left us glowing for days basking in that euphoric bliss that only love and intimacy could bring?
I have lived with a man for 10 years and have been on my own again for 5 years. Based on my own experience, this much I know is true.
A space between you and your significant other would allow you to miss each other’s presence, to down play and trivialise human flaws and to remember his godliness or her inner goddess. Space helps us to remember why we fall in love and of all the superhero qualities that attracted us to our partners.
Be an individual
Along with that, is the quest for fun and adventure that makes the journey all the more meaningful and memorable. We should never stop wanting to discover what the world has to offer on our own as individuals and together as a couple. Being part of an entity should strengthen who you are as a person and not diminish your individuality.
Make continuous effort
It is human nature that we make effort to win the heart of another but when we do, we fall into a comfort zone and the effort stops. The thrill is in keeping what we have fresh rather than in the chase. It is important to continue looking good and dressing up even though we have seen each other naked a million times. It makes a difference when we smell nice from top to bottom making the journey south a delight rather than a drag. It feels good to keep hearing those compliments reminding us how our partner sees us even though we know how special we are. We are all superheroes but sometimes we are also sidekicks to each other, feeding each other’s ego and providing support in ways that we can; physically and emotionally.
Here’s to never forgetting that we are in relationships with our very own superheroes with human qualities and to never losing the desire for them despite their human ways.
Your body is away from me
But there is a window open
from my heart to yours.
From this window, like the moon
I keep sending news secretly.
I loved what Lauren Martin said in her recent contribution on EliteDaily, on the 7 Mistakes You Might Want to Avoid Now So They Don’t Become Lifelong Regrets.
“Love is the only real and honest thing in this world and refusing to accept it is denying yourself maybe the only real thing worth living for. Too many times people find a way to reject love, either because they are scared or don’t recognize it when it wraps its comfortable arms around them. Take love from everyone, don’t be afraid to fall head first into it and protect it as the most sacred thing in your life when you’ve found it.”
I have found love on several occasions in the years that I have been single again. Let’s just say that I totally agree with F. Scott Fitzgerald’s view points on love and how we should approach it. It did not mean he loved Zelda less. Sometimes we forget that we are capable of so much more and that includes our hearts and our capacity to love.
I am never afraid of being lonely. Maybe because I am an only child who have came to love the solitude. The solitude that is now a part of my process to do what I need to do or spend time on what I am most passionate about. In reality, I love the presence of someone in the background to balance the solitude. True, I am never bored because I can always find something that I can do or fill my time with like reading, enjoying my music and allocating time for random pinnings of whatever interests me.
But at the end of the day, it is about having someone to share your daily sexy selfies and silly thoughts with and all the important ones like what to have for dinner. It is about having someone to impress just by being myself and not even having to try at all. Someone to indulge in the bedroom and someone to feed. Someone to have adventures with; even if it is as trivial as trying the new Chennai restaurant in the neighbourhood. Someone to laugh with. Someone who cares.
We keep windows open for love to embrace us in the most beautiful ways. We let ourselves be consumed with words, the veiled kisses, the real wet ones, the euphoria of orgasmic waves and of visions of what’s in store for lovebirds who endure. The future is now. Recognize it, seize it, enjoy it, be grateful for it and tell me I’m the one rocking your future. And you know that won’t be a lie.
So much to do, but I can’t help but rewind,
One thing stays constant on my mind.
Could it be the company or the wine?
Playing tricks on this heart of mine.
His presence is quiet intoxication, spell-binding,
His appeal is invisibly magnetic, mesmerizing;
Like patchouli on a hot summer day,
Clings and lingers, in a sexy, beguiling way.
The smell of him on my skin,
I’d wear him between my breasts,
And when the holy water part me from within;
I’d still taste him on my breaths.
Sweet and addictive
Makes me submissive
It’s almost destructive
Do I need a motive?
I don’t think so…
I can’t let this one go, no?
So sit back and enjoy the show.
Watch us go,
Looking for a bird called swallow.
They say it is true love, lucky fellow.
I believe every lie that I ever told,
Paid by the hearts that I ever stole,
I played my cards and I didn’t fold;
Well it ain’t that hard when you got soul.
Somewhere I heard that life is a test,
I been through the worse but I still give my best.
I got all the answers to all your questions,
I’d be the teacher you could be the lesson;
I’d be the preacher you’d be the confession,
I’d be the quick relief to what you’re stressing.
It’s a thin line between love and hate,
Is it really real or is it really fate?
Got my soldiers, standing on my feet,
No surrender and I won’t retreat.
Stand up now and face the sun,
Hard not to tell then turn and run,
It’s time to do what must be done;
Be a king when kingdom comes.
So you can tell everybody,
I’m the man, I’m the man, I’m the man.
Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am.